Chasing The Muse

Inspiration is dumb.

Let me clarify, inspiration itself isn’t dumb. The need for inspiration to ‘strike’ is dumb.

Thalia (Roman Muse), taken from Wikipedia page of the same name

I have a rough idea of how I want this story to go, why do I need to get inspired for the things I write to be good? Like, I’m fully aware that I don’t need it to write something, but if I don’t, whatever I end up writing feels meandering and listless. Like I had a beginning of a thought but gave up half-way through.

Sometimes it’s even weirder because I’ll be like, ‘I just want to write this small bit that connects these two larger pieces together’, but once I start writing, it turns into a much larger piece than what I was originally thinking and now it doesn’t work where I was going to put it. In fact, what I just wrote contradicts something that I wrote earlier or something I was planning on writing later and now I have to decide what to do with it.

Do I keep what I wrote originally and have the story move forward as planned, in the process negating everything I just worked on? Or do I keep what I just wrote and either rearrange things so everything fits better or re-work the entire story in a way that may or may not turn out better? Or do I spend hours trying to find some sort of compromise? Desperately trying to moosh all of the parts together and having little success until I ultimately set the whole thing aside and start working on something else entirely?

I understand the concept of ‘killing your darlings’. No, not the film. The saying “in writing you must kill all your darlings” (William Faulkner) basically means even if you absolutely love it or it’s your favorite thing, if it doesn’t do anything for your story or wouldn’t be missed if taken out, it should be removed. Is it a bit of a dramatic phrase? Yes. Is it good advice that not a lot of people (including me, sometimes) follow? Also, yes. I, like most people I know who write, have a hard time with this. A lot of times, I’ll hold onto the piece and hope I can use it later. Other times, I just have to get rid of it.

But that’s not really what we’re talking about right now. We’re talking about inspiration or, I guess, motivation.

Often a change of scenery helps, like going to a coffee shop or something, but there’s no guarantee. So, sometimes I’ll have bought my drink, have all of my notebooks, pens, laptop, ect strewn about a small table and… nothing.

An hour of staring at several pages of blank, lined paper or out the window and I feel like I’m not only wasting time but also taking up space. Nothing gets accomplished and I feel like an absolute failure.

If I’m not careful that will spiral out into me thinking of my various failures and I’ll ultimately land on the point of “Nihilists are right. What is the point of anything?” Where I’ll stay for easily a day or more.

And all because I can’t force inspiration.

Now, having said all of that, this next part might undo everything I’ve just written.

Sometimes, if I can get going, if I can start writing something, anything, I’ll be able to fake my way into something. Sometimes it’s a connecting piece, like I alluded to before. Other times, very rarely, it can be something as simple as writing a journal entry. But, and I cannot stress this enough, this only happens occasionally. More often than not, when I try this, I’ll end up with either gibberish that I need to toss or I’ll just have a new journal entire.

From what I’ve found, there’s not really any sure-fire way to get and keep motivation/inspiration. But if anyone has advice on mitigating this cycle, I’m more than happy to take suggestions.

I’ll see you in the next post. In the meantime, have the day you deserve!

The Point of Triangles

I’ve been thinking about love triangle…

…and how much I hate them.

I know that isn’t a new or hot take. I just hate them, mostly when there’s no reason for them.

That got me thinking: What exactly is the right way to use a love triangle and would I actually hate it if it was ‘used correctly’? Basically, what exactly is a love triangle?

To paraphrase The Princess Bride: I don’t think it means what we think it means.

We’ll use two relatively well known ‘love triangles’ as reference: Twilight and The Hunger Games. While the two have many, many differences, there are a few similarities. Both are considered Young Adult Fiction, both have some elements of romance and action, both are written in a first-person perspective of a teenage ‘loner’ girl. Also, both are undeniably popular and written by middle-aged female authors.

(I’m not saying any of these things are good or bad, they are just observable similarities.)

In both examples, we have a girl—Bella and Katniss—who is the ‘center’ of a love triangle. She has two boys who are ‘in love with her’ and hate each other.

And this is what constitutes a love triangle in YA, according to basically everyone. The secondary characters fight over the main character—who is typically used as an audience insert character—and everyone picks a side. But that doesn’t look like a triangle to me. More like a tent, or a tree?

I feel like a ‘true’ love triangle would be something like: Jacob loves Bella, Bella loves Edward, Edward loves Jacob.

My imagining of one actual type of Love Triangle

Or something like: Peeta loves Katniss, Katniss loves Gale, Gale loves Peeta, Peeta loves Gale, Gale loves Katniss, and Katniss loves Peeta and the lot of them feel like they need to be in a single, two-person relationship and is, probably, hetero-normative.

My imagining of another type of Love Triangle. Just because it’s more complicated doesn’t make it better, btw.

When did everyone decide we should call something as boring as two people being in love with the same person, a triangle? I also wish that one of the people involved would grow the fuck up and realize that maybe they deserve better than someone who refuses to either make them feel worthy or be willing to compromise on their needs, and just leave. Find someone who will actually love you for you, Peeta. You deserve better.

Or, they need to all sit down and examine why they find the idea of some type of polyamorous relationship is so abhorrent to them.

Anyway…

And yes, I realize that Young Adults (I’m talking about the demographic these books are based on, IE the characters contained therein, not necessarily the readers(obviously)) don’t always have the brain power or ware withal or experience to know that this isn’t cute.

I understand the appeal, I really do! Two (typically) very attractive individuals that you are quite fond of are so enamored on you and only you that they feel the need to fight over you? On the surface that’s awesome!

But look deeper, please. One says “I’d rather die than be without you(sic)” and the other says “Better you be dead than one of them(sic)”. And when an individual says “You are my life now” or makes it clear that you are literally the only thing they care about? None of that is healthy!

I know all of those examples are from The Twilight Series, but that’s because I feel like The Hunger Games handles it better, not much, but better. It’s a different level of life or death, but Gale and Peeta still seem to only exist for Katniss. But we’re not talking about flushing out characters today.

Take a few seconds to think it through. Notice above I said ‘fighting over you’. I didn’t say fighting for you. It’s a manipulation tactic. It’s seeing the character the two are fighting over as a thing. “If I’m with this person, I’ll be happy” or “I can’t live without that person”. No. Just no.

And if anyone threatens harm on themselves if you leave them or do something they don’t like, like, try to get them help, but get out of that situation. If you are being blamed for the actions someone else takes on their own behest, you don’t need them in your life.

I will say, it’s an entirely different story if you coerce them into doing something. The above simply applies to situation of someone saying something like “if you leave me, I’ll hurt myself and it’ll be your fault” or “you deciding to not listen to me is going to cause me to hurt myself. Do you want that to happen?”. Those are clearly thought-out manipulation tactics, like I said.

…That was heavy…

Now that we’ve spent quite some time talking about it, let’s get definitions involved!

According to Wikipedia: “…While it can refer to a polyamorous relationship between three people, it usually refers to two people who compete against each other for the undivided romantic attention of a single interest.”

Well. I’m glad they acknowledge the possibility of a poly aspect. But you see what I mean? If the thing you need is exclusivity, why on earth are you pursuing the possibility of a relationship with someone who either doesn’t know what they want or has no interest in monogamy?

smh. People and relationships confuse me.

…Honestly, I’d love to see a story where everyone actually talks through these things and negotiate these situations like adults. Huh. Maybe that’s why you mostly—and I am emphasizing that I said mostly—see this particular trope in Young Adult fiction.

Don’t worry, youngins, us olds are dumbasses too…

I’ll see you in the next post. In the meantime, have the day you deserve!

Target or Aesthetic?

I’ve been thinking about identifying marks recently.

Like, birthmarks, abnormalities, tattoos, scars, odd hair or eye colors, and piercings.

I’ve had separate conversations about this with a couple different people. Mostly about planning and payoff and the theoretical importance of Chekov’s Gun.

For those uninitiated, “Chekov’s Gun” is ‘the concept that describes how every element of a story should contribute to the whole’. Thank you, Wikipedia. The idea basically boils down to: If you show a gun in act one, it needs to go off by act three.

Now, I have a couple of problems with this idea. Some are serious, some are petty. Let’s get the petty one’s out of the way first. What if your story involves a police officer or a unit in the army and the story isn’t about fighting? It would be kinda weird to not mention their weapons, even if they never use them, it’s part of their uniform. It’s be like going out of your way to never talk about your character wearing clothes. That’s my next petty point, actually.

Clothes. I like clothes and if I have an image of someone in my head, I’m more likely than not going to have them in an appropriate outfit. Do those clothes have anything to do with the plot? Sometimes. But sometimes they are described to give the reader an idea of the period or time of year. Sometimes those clothes are set dressing, sometimes their important to the plot and sometimes, well, sometimes they’re just clothes. Do I need a reason to dress up every once in a while? No. And as long as it makes sense with their personality, neither do my fictional characters.

Now, onto more serious gripes.

It’s not going to seem serious, but to me it is.

Tattoos and piercings.

A lot of tattoos hold a lot of meaning. Some are memorials to either times or people. Some are warnings. Some are badges of honor. Some have horrifying implications.

Those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. Well… kinda. I’m mostly talking about the ones that were gotten because they’re pretty or cool or because ‘I’ve always wanted one’ or ‘I was bored’. These types of tattoos are becoming more prevalent as time progresses. While some of these can tell you the type of person who stereotypically gets it (I.E. ‘Basic’ tattoos, like: infinity symbol, barbed wire, semi-colon, zodiac sign, ect.), some of these ‘basic tattoos’ also have a deeper meaning.

Taken from flower-tattoo-designs.com; L to R: David Beckham, Angelina Jolie, Danny Trejo

But, again, some don’t and that’s fine.

What I’m getting at is, if I describe a character’s tattoo in a story, does it have to have meaning? And if you are one of those people who immediately and without hesitation says, “Yes, Absolutely”, my next question is for you specifically.

What about piercings?

Taken from piercingmodels.com

The couple of people I talked to about this, both said no, initially. When asked why, one stated “Well, you can take a piercing out.”

True. My response to that was, but it’ll leave a scar. And what about gauges?

If someone has stretched earlobes, for example, yes they can take them out, but you’ll be able to tell, and depending on how big those gauges were, they won’t heal or shrink without medial help.

So, why is the knee-jerk reaction that yes – we need a reason for tattoos, but not for piercings? And if a character has a massive tattoo that they love but has no other meaning than they like it aesthetically, do I, as an author, need to prescribe a meaning to it or erase it entirely?

I could take more time and ask if size or placement make a difference (aside from the obvious, like neck, hands or face), but I won’t. One thing to ponder at a time.

I want things to make sense in my novels and stories, so I don’t want to have a bunch of guff that is simply filler.

I’ll see you in the next post. In the meantime, have the day you deserve!

What’s In A Name?

I’m doing character work today.

When I started writing this story, I didn’t give myself time to think up names, I just needed to get my thoughts down. I could’ve used a placeholder name, but the last time I did that, it was Rebecca and that ended up becoming the character’s name. And looking at that, it looks like I created a very obvious author insert character.

So…what I’ve been doing is calling my main character SHE#1 and the other 5 mains/secondaries as SHE#2, SHE#3, HE#1, HE#2, and HE#3. Then I have characters like SISTER and ASSISTANT 1 and B-I-L. Currently, I only have one important character that has a name, and before you ask, it’s Olivia.

But that’s all I’ve got. I’ve been researching different name options and I have a running list from this and the other books I’ve written and a couple that I’m working on still and every time one of those names gets used, I mark what book/story so I won’t re-use important names. Sort of a reverse George R.R. Martin, if you will.

So, if you have a favorite/interesting/suitable name, leave your suggestions.

I know that I can (and I’ve done this loads and have had mixed results) just go to a baby names website and grab a few names that appeal to me, but I’d like to give this a try first.

I’ll see you in the next post. In the meantime, have the day you deserve!

Playlist for Writing

I’m just gonna dive right in today.

I’ve been working on this book since roughly November 2020. Not long, in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like it’s taking forever.

One thing that I’ve found helps, oddly enough, is this playlist I put together specifically for this novel, called “Writing”.

Now, it’s not just a playlist to get me in the mood to write, but to get me to write this in particular.

Couple of problems with this. First of all, it’s super long. Last I checked, It’s over 4 hours. My other problem is that I get sick of songs if I listen to them too much, just like everyone else. These two end up helping each other out, but only a little. See, I tend to find songs to add more quickly than I get sick of other songs. ^It’s just a burden I have to bear, I guess.^

Here’s the list, I’ve included the songs I’ve removed but they have a * to show the difference:

• I’ll Be Good – James Young
• Battle Cry – Imagine Dragons
• *Waves – Dean Lewis*
• Up In Flames – Ruelle
• Between the Wars – Allman Brown
• *Runnin’ – Adam Lambert*
• Dear God – Lawless ft. Sydney Wayser
• Straight Shooter – Skylar Grey
• Mad Hatter – Melanie Martinez
• Don’t Play – Halsey
• I Like Me Better – Lauv
• *Black Sea – Natasha Blume*
• Revolution – UNSECRET ft. Ruelle
• *Soldier – Fleurie*
• *War of Hearts – Ruelle*
• The Lifeboat – Liam O’Donnell
• Heart of the Darkness – Tommee Profitt ft. Sam Tinnesz
• Area – MagnusTheMagnus
• *King – Lauren Aquilina*
• World on Fire – Les Friction
• Hypnotic(Vanic Remix) – Zella Day
• Howl – Florence + The Machine
• Silence – Marshmello ft. Khalid
• Brother – Kodaline
• Panic Room – Au/Ra
• The Crown – Zayde Wolf
• Revolution – Diplo, Faustix, Imanos, Kai
• Stronger Than Ever – Raleigh Ritchie
• Legends Are Made – Sam Tinnesz
• The Prayer – Bloc Party
• Gasoline – Hasley
• Echo – Five North
• Hey, Brother – Avicii
• Blood//Water – Grandson
• Battling Go-Go Yubari in Downtown LA – edit
• Live Like Legends – Ruelle
• Looking Like This – Lyre Le Temps
• Horns – Bryce Fox
• This is the Hunt – Ruelle*
• Closer – Slow Magic
• The Chain – Mattis
• Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Lorde*
• Happier Now – Five North
• Unworthy – Vancouver Sleep Clinic*
• Nightshade – Alberto Rosende
• Breath – Pluko, Pronouncedyea
• Bones – WENS
• Fire Meets Fate – Ruelle*
• Small Doses – Bebe Rexha
• Whiskey Breath – Five North
• Michelangelo – Alberto Rosende
• Control – Halsey
• Bad Dream – Ruelle
• My Way – Ava Max
• Emmanuel – BASECAMP
• Hero – Tomme Profitt ft. Mike Mains
• Achillies Come Down – Gang of Youths
• Devil Devil – MILCK
• Middle of the Night – Elley Duhe
• Bad Moon Rising – Mourning Ritual ft. Peter Dreimanis
• Ember – Katherine McNamara*
• Run Boy Run – Woodkid
• Bad Guy – Billie Eilish ft. Justin Bieber
• Start A War – Klergy ft. Valerie Broussard
• Lovely – Billie Eilish ft. Khalid*
• Seven Devils – Florence + The Machine
• Dangerous Games – Klergy ft. Beginners
• The Devil Within – Digital Daggers
• Good Times – All Time Low
• Pompeii – Bastille
• Stay Alive – Hidden Citizens, REMMI
• Giants – Neoni
• Fragile World – Alberto Rosende*
• Freaks – Timmy Trumpet ft. Savage
• Dangerous – Left Boy(Oliver Remix)
• Still Here – Digital Daggers
• Monsters – Ruelle
• Lips On You – Maroon 5
• No Roots – Alice Merton*
• Iron – Woodkid
• Hold On – Chord Overstreet
• Start A Riot – Banners
• Walk Through the Fire – Zayde Wolf, Ruelle
• How Far Does the Dark Go? – Anya Marina
• Happier – Marshmello ft. Bastille
• Tomorrow We Fight – Tommee Profitt ft. Svrcina
• In Your Likeness – Woodkid

So, yeah. There it is. If I didn’t remove any songs, this playlist would be over 5 hours long! Crazy…

If you have any song suggestions, that go with the sound/theme, feel free to leave a comment.

I’ll see you in the next post. In the meantime, have the day you deserve!

I’m Back!!!

Hello!

I know that it’s been quite a while since my last entry. I honestly wasn’t even sure if I sill had access to this blog, but would you look at that? I guess I do.

Saying a lot has happened since I last posted seems trite and obvious. I personally would like it concerning if someone tried convincing me nothing of note has happened in the last few years since we spoke.

Even doing something like an overview feels like it might take a series of blogs and be unendingly boring, so I’ll give you a few very basic highlights from my life:

2015 – I published my first novel

2017 – I published my second novel

2015-2019 – Did some traveling

2020 – Almost constant writers block and had to stop doing everything that makes me even remotely happy, for some reason…

Present – Working a repetitive job, a lot, and little else. But I’m getting back into writing more

I think that instead of doing this as a pseudo-diary thing, I’ll change things up a bit.

I know, on here, I’ve called myself a “Novice Novelist”. Now, one may assume that because I’ve already published not one but two books, I no longer think that applies. One would be very wrong.

I went the self-publishing route, which (from what I hear) has gotten easier and more streamlined in recent years. I’m not saying that because I’ve done it this way that it’s remotely easy. There are loads of things that a publisher would normally be in charge of that now fall on my shoulders.

Editing, formatting, editing again, cover artwork, editing again, deciding on interior artwork, editing again and ok-ing the final proof. Not to mention marketing if you want all of your work to actually be seen. And sense I’m sure none of you have heard of me as an author, you can see I’m not very good at that. Anyway, since I’m in the process of writing my third book, I decided to take you on this ride with me.

I can’t promise you’ll actually get anything out of this, but *hopefully, it’ll be entertaining if nothing else.

In the meantime, have the day you deserve!